Old Wounds & New Scars

Old Wounds Four winters ago, I found myself hanging from a cliff, dangling and desperate to climb up. I survived that winter, allowing myself to believe I’d never slide off the cliff again. I wasn’t completely wrong, if you’re looking for me, you won’t find me dangling off a cliff. No, you’ll find me crashing through the waves as I’m being pulled down by the … Continue reading Old Wounds & New Scars

Neon Decadence: Anxiety Lurks

A thought popped into my mind this morning as I climbed out of bed, or maybe it was as I stepped into the shower. In any instance, the thought slammed into me without notice. The idea that ‘achievement motivates me, and failure destroys me.’ As soon as I could see the words clearly, I rolled them around a few times – could it be true? … Continue reading Neon Decadence: Anxiety Lurks

Diary of Pain Pt. 2

January 27, 2018 – I sit here fully aware that I am swimming in pain and fear. Layers of pain igniting fear within the darkest recesses of my mind. For months I’ve been managing the effects of a neck and shoulder injury (re-injury). Here’s the truth – I have always felt guilty for sharing my pain and suffering with others. I loathe the feeling of … Continue reading Diary of Pain Pt. 2

Ticking Clocks

In May, I found myself once again hitting the reset button, following a tumultuous year of sharing space with my in-laws.  After a gradual downward spiral spanning the better part of eleven months, I knew something had to be done. I should have done it sooner, but I was imprisoned by the negative energy of others. Stripping me of every ounce of faith, hope, and … Continue reading Ticking Clocks

A Beautiful Mind

So here I sit, once again – full of thoughts and ideas. Incomplete thoughts and scattered ideas but they are mine. Something no one can take away from me (or can they). I sit here often unable to connect the dots. Seeing sparks of the person I used to be but will never be again. Something I’m starting to accept in theory while wholeheartedly fighting … Continue reading A Beautiful Mind

Hiding from the Enemy

I have a million beginnings bouncing around in my head – tens of millions of words to speak. Ideas to share. Thoughts. Dreams. Concerns. And yet, here I sit watching from the sidelines as my thoughts battle it out. Waging war on my peace of mind. My inner critic playing the part of referee beautifully. Why? What’s holding me back? Fear? Confusion? I think I’m … Continue reading Hiding from the Enemy

Pavlov’s Dog

  I’m in a weird place right now. Not a bad place but definitely one that I’m not used to. Or maybe I’ve just forgotten what it feels like to have faith. To live my life one moment at a time without constant fear and anxiety. Fear of failing. Like I’m being tested at every turn. Are you adulting properly? Are you being responsible enough? … Continue reading Pavlov’s Dog