Flashback – March 24, 2019
What do you do when the wilderness swallows you whole? What do you do when there’s nothing left to say? When words have been forced out through fear and pain, only to fall short. Or worse! What do you do when disappointment and rejection steal your hope and faith in anything true and good? What are you left with?
There has never been a time in my life when I haven’t struggled with who I am, and how I am supposed to behave. Shamed for my sensitivities, and inexplicable meltdowns. A witness to true darkness of the human condition; an insight I’d rather not have. A sensitive soul, broken and shattered by my desperate need for love and affection. Cut deeper by……
Pain! Let’s be honest, I was born into pain, and I will die in pain!! I’m tired of pretending otherwise, and I’m fucking pissed about it!! I know we all suffer in some way, and I know there will always be someone who has it worse than me, but dammit I want to stand up and say my piece! I’m angry! No, I’m fucking furious!! Tired of hiding in the cloud of toxic shame produced by a lifetime of needing to be good, and righteous. A lifetime of living ten steps ahead of chaos and pain, yet never truly outrunning it.
I’m exhausted and I didn’t ask for this!