You are stuck. No shit I’m stuck. I’ve been awake since 4 a.m. and here I sit. Scraping the recesses of my mind for an idea. It’s not like I lack them – quite the opposite honestly. I am full of ideas… too many damn ideas. I can see a million beginnings bouncing about in my mind, but most elude me. Running from me. Escaping my grasp, time after time. Alice in Wonderland. Fall in the hole. Chase the rabbit. Slow down. Make sense.
Damn it – I should be able to possess my own thoughts.
Maybe that’s the problem. Thoughts. Are they mine? If not, then whose? If these thoughts once belonged to someone else, and they still reside happily in the murkiness of my brain, are they now mine? Are they real? Am I ruled by these thoughts – these little seeds of doubt dropped in the darkness years ago. Am I meant to live my life according to someone else’s thoughts? Absolutely NOT!!!! Thoughts are temporary and easily manipulated. Changing as swiftly as the tide; all the more turbulent in the wilderness. Thoughts, are rarely true and always a matter of perception! Whose?
Yours. Mine. Ours. The collective “WE” of the world – an amalgam of twisted views.
Perception really is a mind-blowing. Like this writing prompt – “you are stuck.” Perfect! That’s what I thought, when my finger landed on the words. I am stuck – I can write about this. Yet, here I sit. Stuck on how I am stuck. What do I say? How do I explain? Some days I feel stuck in all I do. All I attempt to do. Spinning in circles with no real outcome. Then there are the gifts – the little moments – nuggets of hope. These moments remind me of who I was meant to be but more importantly who I am becoming. These precious gifts, remind me that I’m not stuck – I’m not in a holding pattern – I’m simply learning to live on the path on which I was placed.
Living a life that looks nothing like what I once knew.
Of course, this is where I would hit the wall. How many times can I look at the clock? Crazy how some days 10-minutes isn’t nearly enough and other days it’s a lifetime. 17 seconds and I’m nowhere near my point. What is my point? I always have a point. I plod along thinking I’m heading full steam for it, only to realize I’ve been circling it all along. Round and round, we go. Dusting the edges of the truth, only sharing enough. Why?
Because thoughts lie.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2