Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

greg-rakozy-38802

Do you ever feel odd or peculiar? Or like you just don’t fit? I do! Here’s the thing though; I don’t remember feeling this way when I was younger. That’s not to say I wasn’t odd or peculiar but either I was unaware or I simply did not care!
I’m inclined to believe the latter. In my youth, I was very proud to wear the label of “Independent-leader” – shouting from the rooftops how much I did not “need” anyone nor did I follow anyone. A reflection of the years of walls I had built around my heart. All of my relationships were surface level; even the one’s I thought weren’t. Even now, at 43 years of age, I equally CRAVE and FEAR anything deeper.

Maybe that’s because I spent most of my life avoiding …….

Myself!

Truth is, I don’t really know who I am. I wasted my youth believing my worth was found in the eyes of others. I may have believed I needed no one but I was totally driven by other people’s need for me. As long as I could focus on other people’s problem’s, I could happily ignore mine. When life caught me off guard in 2013; everything I knew to be true was ripped away, exposing me to ……..

Myself!

I know who I think I was and who I think I want to be; as for who I am

I’m ever evolving!

And learning to embrace my uniqueness – my peculiarity if you will.

My need for order (a place for everything and everything in it’s place) – My desperate need for routine (I’ll literally spin in circles without it) – My ever-processing mind.

Seriously, it (almost) never stops! I used to bury nearly every thought; now they dump out of my mouth like I’m vomiting rather than processing. Forgive me in advance.

But I digress! 


“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

 

 

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

11 thoughts on “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

      1. I’m no longer pushing, I’m through but yet very vulnerable. Right now my first priority is to build healthy social “physical” comfort zones. Among those the spa is by far the best. The only problem with it is that the 30 days membership I bought a couple of days ago isn’t valid on Saturdays…..

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